A new day, an old problem.

The day is brilliant- it is shining away my focus and rationality. The white outside is a contrast to the shaded and cool interior of this place. Even the dirty gravel pattern linoleum is cool to the touch. I shiver amidst the drone of students and machinery.Shivering, I am reminded of the vent above me. It is an oppressive cool, an abrasive one, it assaults thought and demands a shut down of response. The heat outside is ever more the tyrant though, and so I am glad for this oppression, being the favored of the two evils. I am sick, and rambling.

I am also a hypocrite and a dangerously self-preservationist one. Ambition is an ugly thing, a dirty thing, a treasonous whore. I hate and love her. I want to rid myself of this addiction I've developed to the pleasures and pains of my relationship with her- a mixture of equal parts torture and ecstasy. I want to close the gap.

So far have I roamed after her and the night mistress Perfection, temptress and devil (though hers is a game never won, and so I easily tire in the courting). So far and yet farther still would I roam if it meant my desires come to fruition.

I am shivering and weak, will and sustainable having left me for resolve. I am skin and bone, muscle and fat worn to the quick, propelled by the whips of a will. This cluster of impulses moves in lurching jerks- completing its task by rote memory and nothing more. Sleep has abandoned me and I long for the comfort of void and sleep. I am sick, and rambling.