Cruciatus in crucem, eas in crucem

This isn't a repository for my emotions; it never has been a place to dump my emotional waste, it isn't about to become the same now. But there are times that emotion begs address. This is my one and only tribute to you, and my warning.

You're marring my art.

The feeling encasing my heart was the thorny thing called "regret" which in the heat melted into the vile sludge of remorse. That feeling oozed far away and has given rise to the seeds of guilt, which withered with each slap of a 'could have been' and was replaced on a stiff wind by terror mingled with self-loathing. And the keystrokes like tears fell, exploding pools of sympathy and pain the ilk of which you could have never imagined, but under your thumb lay the red button. This alloy broke apart bit by bit and the flakes remaining were "resolve".

(interlude)
Loneliness and Weariness are painful friends but they soothe too, and I am no stranger to that gentle touch. I have tried to meet you, I have used every appeal in my quiver, nothing remains to shoot out into the dark. ...And when the truth strikes blind out of the night, and when you've pushed me away, and when you stand alone with your thoughts and your flames know only that I fired to save you, and also myself.
(end)

I'm fighting while I have fight left, to bring myself to a place where I can breathe without regretting the impulse to draw breath. I've endured beatings for the burden of my existence. I felt the whip dig into virgin flesh and tear at the spot of vulnerability I bore to you, my sacrifice to your pain. I was willing to indulge in the fancy of watching my emotion run red against the sorrowful pyre of your fury, but enough is enough. I gave you a chance, and for my tact and generosity you abused my virtue and spat on my good name. I have stood the indignity of your berating. I have stooped, I have scraped, and now I stand on my own two feet to level a glare at you and declare it finished.


But still I wish you the best, because my well-being does not allow me to wish evil for others. The universe is not kind to those who pray for the ill of their fellow man. You have taken your fair pound of flesh. Let no more be said, for that is all.