I have to be up by 9; I'm taking the 9:50 bus to school, and then campaigning for a while. I can't believe I'm going to be out there. I didn't want to get involved, maybe because of my recent brush with the grimy side of politics at the local level, and perhaps still because of my utter disdain at begging for votes. Nonetheless, my presence there today serves a higher purpose, and if that's my role I'm fine with it, mostly. It's a feeling of resignation, my role. But I can also feel peace in it, because I've directed myself here. Enough about that. Most importantly, I've spent the past weeks as a fly-on-the-wall seeing, learning, by proxy, the dark secrets of the student government running my school (that is to say: the absolute scum of the undergraduate earth.)
I passionately want to see this election turn out favorably, though I'm struggling to project an objective indifference, if only to minimize the pressure on 'our' candidates. I'm having a hard time sleeping, because of this forced indifference, this false objectivity in the treatment of the events to come; I'm holding my breath and hoping for the very best, but as to name that end, I can't say. I'm holding my breath for fear of letting it out, for fear that the powers that be should smite my secretly held hopes. This tension is both a very positive force, and a very negative one. . .
My stomach isn't settling well tonight, I'm a ball of nerves...
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