"Lost At Sea"- a coming to SOA

The action starts when I timidly wandered into an anime viewing, one lonely weekday in October. I was lucky enough to just blend in, and no one introduced themselves, or made me stand out in any way for which I was grateful. After that I began attending regularly, and plotting my ascent to power and eventual coup de tat... and if that's all you were looking for, then there you go.

But that's not where it all began.

When I was in middle school I caught the otaku fever. I wasn't introduced to anime as a kid (though I was known to glue myself to the TV for Sailor Moon or early Pokémon episodes near religiously back before I knew what I was watching). I didn't grow up with cool older siblings who read manga or watched anime-- my family to this day is still in the dark about these things.

Suffice to say, I was in unfamiliar territory.

Armed with only my tenacity, I ventured on. At about thirteen, I discovered the Toonami and AdultSwim programs (which used to feature smatterings of Anime in their lineups). I was hooked. Behind my mom's back; I used to sneak Toonami when she was off working and I was "doing homework", or AdultSwim on weeknights, plugging headphones into my TV and wedging a towel under the door to hide evidence of the light or sound of my defiance. I wasn't allowed up past 12, you see.

I went to a very open and supportive high school. Any one student was just as likely to be into sports as they were to watch anime- and everyone knew and no one cared; there was no stigma attached to interest. Looking back, it was a bit of a utopia.

When I came to Merced, I was in for a total culture shock. I went to orientation, like everyone else, but not being used to the sweltering 100+ weather and the oppressive over-cheeriness of the group leaders, I begged mom to skip out early. Cooling down in the hotel room, I began to develop a serious case of cold feet; but it was too late for second guesses and Merced was my school of choice with, or without, friends with shared interests.

When I began attending in the fall of '08, I had no idea what the SOABrigade was- if I was even aware of its existence. I gravitated to the only person I knew, my boyfriend, and his friends. They were, without saying too much, Asian xenophobes who believed sub-consciously in an abrasive normative whiteness.

Needless to say they were hostile to what they again and again labeled in chiding tones as my "geekiness", or "weirdness". Things I used to pride myself on... were becoming terms of derision. Not even my boyfriend really understood those 'strange cartoons' I was into- though he tried to insulate me from their teasing, when he could.

That was my freshman year. Trying to fit in and fixing a deformity I didn't even know I had. I started going to the gym a lot and wearing makeup to fit in with my boyfriend's crowd, and tried to forget the community I once loved. That was a sad time for me, since anime had been a major part of my life and the fandom comprised the people I identified with.

My sophomore year, Jake went away to dc. Of course the teasing didn't stop, and of course I still hadn't found anything to fill the hole left by anime and the artistic community. I needed something, anything to temper the ennui of life in Merced, with "friends" I couldn't stand. And at about breaking point, I saw a poster reading 'anime club'.

And that was that.

Summoning my courage, I went. I ditched my gossipy, backstabbing frenemies and took a chance on SOABrigade.

And between you all and I, I'm happy I did.