Things change and people change, just as naturally as the seasons change- stasis is unfamiliar and wrong to me. This season came with the loss of an old friend, a sweet-- but overdramatic kid I used to be close to.
It seems now he's too caught up in teenage angst to take responcibility for his actions, and for the people he's hurt. He is in his 20's. I say that to illustrate that, in my eyes, he should know better. Somee people never grow out of it, I suppose. To think the he hasn't, and might not dissapoints me.
I can understand why he is attracted to that coping mechanism, even though I don't approve of it. It's comforting to knee-jerk forgive oneself of all actions by passing on the blame. It's easy, and comfortable to blame the world for ones problems, and it hides any hint of responcibility in the blame.
He isn't by any means the first person I've known to fall into that pit of blind self-absolution, but he is the most recent.
From where I am sitting, he is a pittiable creature, and also he is enviable.
I pity him, because he lives a brutish life more akin to an animal than a man. He exists without introspection or careful thought-- without having to feel the weight of his actions. His choices are by instinct and the consequences are of no object to him. Any malign side-effects are easily passed off as being the fault of another. After that all that is left is to bear them as a victim does. This allows him to justify being powerless, and frees him of responcibility. Simply, that is how he lives.
I also envy him, to a very small degree. It must be nice to live the life of the guiltless, and passive victim, and to never face one's demons.
That isn't the life for me, obviously. I can't cry about how "she left me" or "he crushed my soul"-- and prostrate myself in righteous self-pity. I can't blame away my consequences, or force the burden of my brutish existance on another. I can't blame others for where I am, nor would I want to.
It's sad, but these ideological diferences are seperating us. The outcomes are regrettable, but I can't regret who I am or what I believe to be right. I won't. So I will take my losses as they are, and sing.
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