It's a cold, and it's a broken "I love you"

I can't believe I'm crying over this. I hide myself away, but my eyes are stinging shame. If you fall you lose. What have I done?

Things are turning contentious with the girls in the house again, but I don't know what to do about it other than smile and remain light-hearted. I am sure that pisses off at least one of them, but I have too much drama in my life to let them get to me right now.

I have lost, or may be in the process of losing someone very precious to me, more so than even I had realized, and now I'm crying out of every pore, begging myself to pick up the phone. I don't know if pride will let me, or if I can bring myself to the right words. I haven't been able to yet, and worse yet, I'm going away this weekend, so I won't be able to do anything about it until I've lost my chance.

I want these words to reach you, but I don't know if they ever will. Will you come back, when it's over, no need to say goodbye? Or have I lost my almost-lover for good?

I'm not turning away from the objective reality I've awakened to. I can't and I won't and I like this clarity of vision. I'm happy to have it return. But I am less than content with the circumstances.