The Calm

I'm holding on to today. It was so simple, but I had such a good day. Of course there was that one moment right at the end which inspired my most sincere 'fuck it all' sentiment. I refuse to think of that and will push it out of my mind with a sigh. Inhale calm, and allow those thoughts to detach. I will lose them as they fly away into the dark. I will think of nothing but the flame in the void. Exhale, inhale. And I am calm once more. Today was amazing.

It started when I woke up at almost noon, with a piggu on my head. Allow me to restate: one of the things that makes me happiest- probably the sole thing that can calm me down from the deepest of rages, is the impulse to love. In this case, it is the maternal spark created by a small bundle of fuzz-covered love. One look from those ebony doll eyes, and my heart melts through, and bubbles over. I woke up, dressed and took a walk. The day was perfect for it, moderate temperature and veiled skies, and for once, clean air. I hiked the train tracks to my friend Shayne's house (a mile away) while we talked about stereotypes and writing.

When we arrived, he ran inside to check on his family, giving me a second of much-needed rest. Endorphins still running, we hopped in his car and drove to the harbor. Ten minutes later (and not a second longer) we were seating ourselves at Andria's. Authentic to the last, we just missed the lunch rush (which would hit as we dined).

And there my day continued as it had begun, smiling, sublime, euphoria in calm slow waves like the rolling in to the rocks under the melody of gulls. Heaven.

After that we walked over to the arcade, where much to my chagrin, I tried my skills against a new rhythm game: Technika. Regarding rhythm games: may god always bless me that I never live without a song I can't conquer. This game gives me a good few years toward that end. I swear, divinity on a touch screen.

After that I cleaned my ass off, as a thank-you for such a stress-free morning. That took the rest of the day. And let me tell you, it was awkward. Shayne's family hates me, but my merit of my position as a university student has been forced to accept ma as a good role-model for their son/brother/etc. You get the idea. Because of this, I am placed in an uncomfortable place. Frequently I remind you all: I hate lying, and detest liars. Now see me standing there, where all social convention requires me to lie 'it's nice to see you too, Mrs. Patterson!' accompanied by a huge,fake, smile to match hers. It was not a situation I liked but it was a situation that played out through the day with each chance occurrence (repeated ad nausium with all family members except with the stepdad who genuinely smiled at me, and allowed me the chance to return the same).

But that withstanding, it was a good day. I felt like by small steps my life is getting better. I mean, after cleaning we watched naruto and ate cold stone. Simple pleasures. I pray for more of these. I prayed for a savior, and had I only known he was with me all along.

When I came home these small steps, taken by this man who is both mentor and friend. I have longed for someone like Shayne my whole life- and here though I was broken his kindness showed me yet one more good day. I am blessed for him, and for the grace of one good day.

I needed this; I pray this calm persists.