Pretext of Surrender

There is a moment, but a brief split second in which (between the rise and the fall- the hairs span that comprises this delicate boarder) in which all becomes clear. If only for this split second I reel at the spectacle before me. Inside this instant lingers an unnamable void, and inside this void the idea without form. It is elusive and perfect. I can't find it or ever name it, but I know that within this sublime second there is peace.

I don't drink myself to bliss often. It is rare that I turn to the ethereal or mystic, and less frequent yet that I search out life's mysteries in the depths of a bottle; don't misunderstand me, I do not make this a habit. But after the week I've had I came back from my school activities, made myself dinner and a drink.

I don't regret a thing; making an ass out of myself in front of Andrew, the passionate (and explicitly noisy lovemaking with Jake)-- how can I regret it? I promised to live my life as the uncensored experience of youth would allow. I regret nothing, and will not blush or avert my eyes from the things I have done. To me, that is living an honorable life. Being able to own up to my actions, and the person I am becoming, these are the things which I value: strength, integrity and pride are what I strive for-- more to the point to be a person of such mettle as to be worthy of these attributes.

I am feeling life's distilled power surge through me as it saw fit, holding this all in my hands and recognizing its transience. I am grateful for these shining days, even if they come on the eve of my destruction, or the morning of my great rebirth. How can I hold a thing against a world which would see it fit to grant me such simple happiness?

There may be a great mountain on the horizon, I knew this life would be anything but easy, but I am ready for it. I am ready to accept any difficulty, because I know that now in my most humbled state I am able to see these obstacles for what they are. Meek though I may be I will carry on steadfastly and conduct my life as I see fit: unwavering in my course and without hesitation. I will make the dreams from far-gone days a reality with the strength I have, and I will do so come what may. That is the path of the truly strong.